This time of year with the cat is usually lovely. She and I open all the upper sections of the living room bay window with the intent of snoozing on the sofa in the sunshine until the chill of the evening air tells me it’s time to get up and make dinner – and of course, tells her that it’s time to go out and maim helpless animals.

I’m not bothered by the fact that my cat is a good, old-fashioned sort of hunting cat. It keeps my house free of mice and rats and squirrels – which invaded the roof when we moved in. I just wish she’d eat sensibly. What animal catches a baby rabbit, leaves all the lovely, lean body meat and munches on the skull?

At the moment, I am thinking of sending her out to get all the people who decided that to borrow money, you already have to owe money. Recently, we’ve been looking at mortgage options like the grown-up people we are (ha!) and because we’re not in debt, the banks don’t trust us to borrow money. I dunno what anyone else thinks, but surely that’s all backwards? Having fought crazy hard to stay out of debt for the last year, I feel somewhat hard-done-by – and am even more tempted than usual to go out and buy furniture. You know, just so I’m using that overdraft facility I never wanted in the first place. Ugh. Why do people insist on making life so much more complicated than it needs to be?

I swear, the modern world gets more confusing every time I go out in it. Who brakes for no good reason on the entry slip-road of the A14, causing 5 emergency stops behind them? Yes – this does mean I went to Risby to look at wash stands, but no I didn’t buy any. Worse than the moron on the main road was the article I read on my return. Apparently, according to the good ol’ Daily Mail the following stats apply:

CAR MAINTENANCE – FACTS AND FIGURES

Number of male motorists unable to open car bonnet – 6 per cent

Number of female motorists unable to open car bonnet – 17 per cent

Number of drivers who have never had car serviced – 2.6m

Number of drivers more concerned about how the car looks than how it works – 67 per cent

Number of drivers more concerned with condition of engine – 13 per cent

Number who have filled their car’s tank with the wrong type of fuel – 1.9m

I am actually horrified. My new life plan is to win the lottery – thus removing the need to borrow money – and buy a large chunk of land, my own oil well and petrol refinery and a fleet of cars to serve my various motoring needs. Then I will grow my own food, hire some peasants to suit my various despot whims and live out the rest of my days in a happy stupor, separated from the trials of the modern world. Maybe I’ll need to win the lottery twice, actually, looking at that list. Reality sucks.

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