I don’t know why my brain has this strange disfunction, but whenever I need to get up at hideous o’clock in the morning, I am incapable of sleeping the night before.

Even last night, after a big warm mug of milk, a hot shower, and a chapter of Clive Cussler’s genius book “Raise the Titanic”, I lay there twiddling my thumbs and thinking about what I was going to eat the next morning.

As it turns out, yesterday’s trip to ASDA made me so angry that I forgot to buy all but the bare essentials and I am reduced to eating porridge, topped with fructose sugar. I don’t know if it’s just because I’m aware the sweetner came from a non-beet source for once, but I swear I can taste a slight curdling in the milk where the natural fruit acids have been. It could just be that the milk is sour, of course…

Post ASDA, we ducked into Toys ‘r’ Us to spend a Christmas present voucher (thanks J-) on some essentials for the screaming lizard creature, scheduled to arrive in May*. Or at least, that was the idea. The problem I seem to have though, is that people look at me and presume I’m about 15 years old. Honestly. When I lived in Denmark they used to automatically give me a child’s bus ticket, and I got asked for ID when playing the lottery the day before my wedding. As a result, I get painfully embarrassed when trying to purchase baby things because all eyes turn on me in a damning sort of way, and poor S- gets looked at as if he’s a monster. Either I need one of those, “25 today” badges to wear constantly, or a giant wedding ring that people can’t help but gawk at. Neon tubing might work…

In any case, inspired by the lizard noises of the shop, I decided to buy Monster Hunter 3 for the Wii instead. It’s fairly awesome – kind of like Phantasy Star Online (my all-time favourite game) but with swords made of bone instead of lasers, and dinosaurs instead of funny alien robots.

Roll on March and April when I will have time to indulge in this, Professor Layton and the Unwound Future, Phatasy Star Zero, Resident Evil 4 and Nostalgia…

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*I say screaming lizard creature because every baby in that shop sounded like some kind of prehistoric gheko. You’d think that in this day and age there’d be some way to employ the technology from noise cancelling headphones and MP3 to create children who don’t cry and simply state, “Oh bugger, I’ve soiled myself again,” instead.

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