You know your subconscious hates you when:

  • you have to get up at 5.30am but first must endure dreams which are more stressful than reality.
  • said dreams involve being accused of shop-lifting in Tesco, resulting in you having to explain each and every item in your handbag like some twisted version of Kim’s Game. And your dream doesn’t let this pass in ellipsis – you have to recount each individual snotty tissue.
  • after going through all your worldly possessions, the dream world forces you to drive through London city centre Christmas rush hour to pick up a form of e-book reader which was apparently the best-selling gift of 1976.

It could be worse, I suppose. I could have a twelve and a half hour shift on top of… oh.