Ah, football. A controversial rant.

I don’t mind football as such, I just don’t see the point in 20 men chasing a ball around a field for an hour and a half while two men try to stop them kicking said ball into a rope net. I don’t know – I suppose it encourages teamwork or something. To tell the truth, I don’t really ‘get’ any ball-sport. They all seem like wasted energy to me. I sort of understand people who feel the need to be able to run – I mean, if the zombie apocalypse comes, running would be a pretty useful skill to have. The same goes for archery, and motor racing. I’d like to be able to shoot a zombie enemy in the head or to power away from/through them in an F1 car*. Football just isn’t going to help when the undead start walking though… or at least not in any way that I can see.

Yet footballers earn more money than any of the scientists who might be able to stop a zombie plague. They also earn more than all the good people selling guns and cars with bull-bars on the radiator grills, not to mention the mass of soldiers who, in a 28 Days Later situation, might be able to Christopher Eccleston their way into making a stronghold.

They also earn more than doctors, nurses, bin-men, dentists, bus drivers and Steve – a guy I once met in the UEA pub.

If a football team went on strike, nothing would happen. If a bin-man – regardless of whether he was called Steve or not – went on strike, the nation would grind to a halt. Sure, football players spend more of their life in the public eye and deserve to be paid a little more for it, but no more than the men and women in the army whose lives may be lost at any moment. And no more than the doctors who could stick said army folk back together.

Even before the end of the world is brought about by half dead cannibals, it’s still grossly unfair that any one football player should earn in one game the same amount of money that most people do in a year.

You know what? It’s just not cricket.**

*I realise me driving the F1 Ferrari is somewhat unlikely, but so is the zombie apocalypse so I feel justified in mentioning it.

** Cricket is an exceptionally useful sport where killing zombies is concerned. If you don’t believe me, watch Shaun of the Dead. Ner.