I’ve felt rather contemplative over the last twenty-four hours. I don’t know whether this is due to the impending Yoga session I intend to undertake this evening, or whether my angry rants have finally caught up with me and I’m just too tired. In either case, I feel somewhat at peace with myself – like a slow, tentative understanding has been made between myself and the wider world. I feel now, more than ever, what a sad place our lifetimes have become.
That we can’t look the way our genes say we should and still be considered beautiful, that we need to pay people ‘insurance’ to protect us from one another’s wild accusations, that we can’t simply listen to one another to get to the root of a problem… it all stems from selfishness and ignorance. I’ve spent a great deal of time being angry about it, but what is anger good for? It solves nothing, and the world still remains as dark as ever it was.
My mother – the most determinedly happy woman I know – should have been my inspiration. She always says her mission in life is to make others feel better and that’s the way it should be. She’s had a run of rotten luck regarding her dream house but she never once let it spoil the magic of the place for her. I always mistook my parents’ unwillingness to go to court over the glaring lies they were told as a sort of weakness, but now I recognise it for what it is. By not rising to the insult, they proved their strength, proved that they were better than this angry world by not letting all the bitterness touch them. I will try and do what I should have done from the start and follow their example.
The Bible says ‘Do to others as you would have them do to you,’ and regardless of whether or not you’re a Christian, this little motto should be a universal truth. When upset, it’s so easy to try and hurt that person too, so that they know how it feels. But what will that solve? – instead one angry, upset person there’s now two. Better to turn away, breathe deep, and wonder what awful thing they suffered to make them lash out the way they do.
I make no promises, I am a stubborn individual and find change hard, but even if I remember these thoughts only once in a while, perhaps I can be better, happier, and start to make those I love happy too.